Of warmth and guilt.... and THANKS!

These two weeks have been very interesting. I am following a few different people through their cml experiences. Some going through transplant right now, others doing well and some waiting for a match so that they can go to transplant. I am totally fascinated by everything these people are going through and how amazingly they deal with it all.

I know that we deal with what we are going through, mostly, thats the way of life. But I have to say that I am really impressed with the strength of the younger generation dealing with this. There you have Erin with new baby - living her life to the fullest and able to worry about 'new baby' issues - real life things and not only cml. Then Lea, the positive vibe she exudes is amazing as she waits to hear about possible donors. That waiting must be very stressful, yet she keeps her sense of humor very much alive. Shane, who has just received his new cells and feeling really grotty - the strength of his family is wonderful. The poor man is not feeling very well right this very day, but his family is - and they are also dealing with all this in an amazingly positive way. And the others too..... there are so many wonderful stories out there....

Seeing all these people dealing with situations that are so different and at times, so much more difficult than Steven's situation has truely humbled me. I have met the most amazing people online, people who give me strength and hope and love and light just by sharing their stories, hopes and fears and best of all - the victories, the good blood results. I really love talking to the other mom's out there because we are on the same wavelength.... and I also love reading about how the people in Steven's age group are getting on with their lives. And then everyone else too - you all just fill my life in an incredibly positive way!

Tonight was the Light the Night walk here is Chattanooga. This has sat on my mind for many months already. This sounds, and is, really selfish and spoiled and ungrateful, but I literally did not have the energy to do a bigger scale fundraising this year. Steven was at work late this evening so we did not even go and join the walk. I called him earlier today, just to make sure that he was not going to be able to make the walk - he just wanted life to move on. I told him that I would love to walk with him, but if not this year, maybe next. And I do feel a little guilty about letting a night like this pass by with no effort on my part to participate or to help in a big way. Next year, I promise myself. I really want to walk The Walk, but I want my son at my side and I want him to be there because he really wants to be there....

We have a donation bottle in the shop and collect money there, most of our smaller repair jobs are paid for by a donation instead of a bill. I sell prints of my photos and paintings and collect in that way too - an ongoing effort as small as it is. I read with awe the amounts some of the teams have collected and the great effort they have gone to - and it honestly puts me to shame. And it makes me very grateful. Next year, I promise myself, I will be part of a team again, I will make a difference again on that front. I will contribute and Pay Forward again. I will......... I will. I am not allowed to leave the survival of this child of mine up to others without at least making an honest, concerted effort for him and to repay those that have done this over the past years.

So to all those that raised any amount for the Leukemia Society - a really BIG Thank You! I love you all for your efforts and dedication and for bringing the cure closer.