Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The beautiful dance...

When looking for photos to go on this blog, I found myself looking for something like dancing, the sky, happy..... and then I found this one I took of the dancing lights, Aurora Boreallis,  in 2006 in Northern Canada.  I remember so well the feeling of incredible awe, of smallness and utter joy and peace, all rolled into one huge and wonderful feeling..... and it fits so well when seeing Steven's results this time - 0.025% on the International Scale.  :)

There is a chart to the right of this writing that gives his other readings, and after looking at these a good many times over the past few days, I realize that I will just have to get used to the bouncing around...  There is almost a pattern in that itself.

I am very interested to see the next one - this because I think I have seen a pattern in Steven's results..... when he is more stressed, the pcr is higher.  I have no hard and fast proof of this, because of course stress changes by the hour sometimes - but generally I think I see something there.  I will be watching.

The past month has been very sad with the loss of David Cox and also Ryan Patrick.  Without 'claiming' either of these people, it feels as if I have lost a little bit of something at these losses.  I know that life includes dying right along with living, the happy and sad and all that..... but those thoughts don't help when it smacks one in the face.  It just sucks that two more people are no longer here and that there are a whole bunch more people grieving for them.

It makes me even more grateful for everything I have in life....... every little thing, no matter what it is.

I really am one very lucky mom...... its getting hard to update the blog!  This means, of course, that Steven is doing well, that my mind is not even closely centered on cml on an hour to hour basis...  And this makes me smile.

Today I looked at Steven while he was busy doing something, and I wondered when it changed. When had I started just seeing Steven without the RobotCop Scan going, without trying to see beneath his skin and count the leukemia cells one by one, without looking at him with that thin cml barrier between us?

It was wonderful..... it was not long ago at all that I never thought that would be possible..... but here I am today and its yet another new truth.  Obviously cml is still an issue, but thats just it - it's a well controlled issue that is in a really good place and not by far any more even a big chunk of my kid!

Today was another really great day.

love and light