Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I just love this.....

I took this photograph out west somewhere.  It's a photograph that has lived in my heart and soul ever since.  I wish I could find this man and thank him for all the inspiration and hope he has built in my life.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Stop 'n Go......

Ok, the new pcr results are in......... and Steven passed again!  With a little jump downwards this time, we are all fine and can get on with less stressful stuff for the next three months again.

This photo reminds me of life around PCR time - stop 'n go, gas and anchors....
Not quite sure how to go on until the results come in, but at the same time determined to go on no matter what, but that tiny niggle of doubt, or is it fear, lurks in the back of my mind, making sure that going forward is not a totally smooth road.

But, once again, the worry was for nothing - it's good.  It's good again.  It's good still!

And so life will tootle on forward, filled the deep gratefulness that Steven is still responding to his Gleevec well, that there are no adjustments to make and that he is feeling great too.  It's quite amazing that no matter how much or how little I worry about these quarterly results, I am always deeply grateful afterwards.  Well, I am always deeply grateful, but it seems to come with a special depth in the days right after good results.  It's times like this that my heart aches for the mom's who did not get the good news results, for those mom's who have lost their children to this horrible disease.

And so.... till next time.

love and light
Annie - one very grateful, very relieved mama :)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

It's been a while...

Steven had his pcr drawn about two weeks ago now... and his results are about a week away.  And I am about as "un-frilly" as I have ever been about it.  He looks good, sounds good and is getting on with his life in a very normal way.

It's quite amazing how 5 years, well, five and a half, can feel both long and short at the same time.  I see advertisements with Christmas trees in them already and it makes me aware of just how fast the years are screaming by.  This year my Christmas tree will again be filled with little gifts depicting all the treasures and gifts I have received through Steven's cml.  All the friendships, the experiences, the learning and the love I have been shown, I love having them decorating the tree.

Life sure takes some twists and turns and Steven having cml is the biggest to me.  It has made the greatest impact on my life, my growth, learning and understanding.  Its affected my life in ways that I never imagined and hopefully soon I will be able to really start giving back somehow, to help others the way they helped me through this dealing with cancer in my child.  I know that I am incredibly fortunate that Steven is responding so well, and every day I am extremely grateful for this. At the same time it has been a heck of a ride - even with everything going relatively smoothly.  There were many times that I just did not know how to go on, how to 'just be'..... but there was always someone there to walk with me through those tough times.  So many of those times it was someone that I had not even met, someone walking a similar road that just 'got it', understood and was there for me.  It actually brings tears to my eyes just thinking how that worked, again and again over all these years.  What wonderous, amazing years these have been!

My Christmas tree is not going to be big enough to carry all those little gift decorations!  What a thought.