Monday, March 28, 2011

Be sweet.....

And time goes by, everything on the leukemia front with Steven doing so much better..... its like someone threw oil on stormy water and ....... well, you get the picture.

Because my life was very tied into staying on top of, and in touch with everything leukemia, this leaves a fair sized hole in my mind.   Even though Steven's tests have been great for a long time now and I have slowly spent much less time being 'freaky' for the past few years already, I still find that I really have to make a sincere effort to fill my mind, to stimulate my brain, to move forward and know that it will all work out exactly the way its meant to.  I need to work hard at being creative, to enjoy things without the fear of that potentially 'coiled snake' waiting to turn my life upside down again.

So much of this past month I have thought of those who have lost someone they love....  To get up and move on has got to be so incredibly difficult.  At times its got to seem easier just to sit and not cope at all, to not get on with life, to literally just stop.  And that pain is endless.  How does one do it?  Especially those that have put their days and nights into a hands on situation of caring for someone, whose days were literally filled with that person.  That adjustment must be huge.  Beyond huge, as it covers every aspect of every day.  I don't believe that anyone can prepare fore a person dying, you cannot prepared for that hole in your day, the loss and the extra time on your hands....... no matter how much you know its going to happen, or hope that it wont.

One blog that I read really got me thinking about all this...  The 14 year old son passed away and from what it looks like, some family of mom are being critical of how she has dealt with his illness and how she still is.  Wow..... that really is beyond understanding.  She, and the rest of the family, are absolutely entitled to grieve in any way they want to without someone who has not walked their path, saying how they should.

So..... if you know anyone that has lost someone and is bending in the darkness, at a total loss about how to cope, or even dealing with it in a way you don't understand, please be kind to them, be sweet, fill a few minutes of their day with them, let them talk about the person that is no longer with them, ask them about the pain they felt and still feel.   Just never ever tell them how to grieve, how to feel or how to act while they are coping with this pain.

And be thankful for the days that you do have with those you love.  Always.

Love and light

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Can it be 5 years already?

5 years today we heard the words that would change all of our worlds in more ways than we could have imagined, then and now.  Those words seemed to have challenged us.....  I remember Steven saying to me in the hospital that 'everyone dies, I am going to try not die from this."   

He has done so much more than just survive.  He, together with Laura, have flourished and lived their lives more fully than I see in most young couples.  Without Laura, I would not have been able to relax as much as I have over the years - even tonight she reassured me that she would 'report him' if she thought it necessary! What a lady :)

I am so incredibly proud of the young adults in this photograph... they are strong people, bound together by a love that wont break, bound by a goodness that is just beautiful.  Steven and Laura, thank you for letting me into your cml world, being patient and understanding of my 'freakiness', especially in the early years.  Lisa and Joleen - thanks for giving me the understanding to deal with it all while standing by and learning to deal with it yourselves.  You have all given me the strength and love to keep on going......I love you all more than I can say.

5 years.  So many lessons learned, so many people have come into my life.  Too many have left, leaving huge gaps but in the big picture I think we have all grown in ways that are so good and so solid.

Now....... on to the next 55 years!

love and light