Monday, September 20, 2010

a thought....

does the person create the journey - or does the journey create the person 

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Cruising on with life........

And so those intense feelings were pushed into the back of my mind again, becoming the rocks in that ever flowing stream that tinkles in the back of my mind and I am able to think and plan the good things in life again.

About a week ago, Steven and Laura came around for dinner and they both came in the door fuming.... I mean FUMING!  Uh oh........  They had gone to pick up Steven's Gleevec from the Walgreens down the road.... He has a standing, automatic prescription reorder with them which should ensure that his meds get there on time. Well, that did not happen and it lit fuses in both Laura and Steven.  Steven had tried to pick his Gleevec up earlier before to ensure that there would not be days that he does not have any, but the pharmacy said they could not allow that because of the type of medication Gleevec is.  So he has had to go on the last day of his current supply or the day that he has run out........ this leaves it wide open to issues like this.  The chappie at the pharmacy also did not have the right attitude and after both Steven and Laura telling him how absolutely important it is that he takes his cancer meds..... the guy shrugged his shoulder and said that it 'should be' in the next day.

Laura immediately had the prescription transferred and they were able to pick up the Gleevec the next evening from the new place.  The old pharmacy only got it in by Friday which was five days after it should have been there!!  This really made me angry and although I know that its important not to miss a day of Gleevec, its not absolutely critical in Steven's case - but it could be for someone else, it could even change things with Steven.  Who knows......

The best thing that came out of this experience?  Seeing just how angry Steven and Laura were about it - how upset, angry and concerned...... I have to admit that that was pure music to my ears.  :)  It just totally confirmed for me what I have known all along - they are both very serious about dealing with cml in a very serious and vigilant manner.  Just lovely.

Apart from that, well, for me even including that experience everything has been very quiet and peaceful for the past weeks.  This blog calls at me from the recesses of my mind but nothing big enough to sit down and write, not until they kind of pile up a little.  Lea mentioned the other day that when my three 'kids' are doing well, then I start dreaming of a vacation again and when they are a little unsettled in whatever part of their lives, well then the travel bug goes into hibernation..... So, yes, we have another vacation planned!  

This time we are heading out from Ft Lauderdale on a Cruise through the Panama Canal to San Diego where a very special friend of mine lives.  Hi Esther :)  We have a few days before and after the cruise to visit and explore in both Ft Lauderdale and San Diego.  Its going to be absolutely fantastic to sit on the balcony and watch the ocean for days on end and also to see a good many new places.  

And coupled with that is yet another piece of good news..... Steven will be hanging around the shop a whole lot more in the very near future as he has decided to go back to college next semester..  So he will learn what he can from us about computers and then get back to the books for a while..... This means that while we are away, we will not have to close the shop down as we normally do.  We know that he can handle being there on his own and that will probably help him a ton, to be there without our being there.  All good.

Just a few days ago, the subject of having a favorite child came up.  I know all us mom's deny having one of those, and even if we did favor one kid above the others, hell would freeze over before we come anywhere close to admitting it.  But it got me thinking...... do I have a favored child?  Well, yes.  Yes I do.  It's whichever one is dealing with life by being fair, being all they can be,  being honest good citizens and looking out for the others in their life..... And thats all three of them!  I have three favorite kids!!  Now that being said, and having to be honest in writing this, seeing as I opened the subject, I have to say that I am more concerned with Steven. Or is that 'for' Steven, or "about" Steven.  I don't know, but what I do know is that this cml has tied me a bit tighter to him than my girls.  

If either Joleen or Lisa mention and problem - yes, even like a toothache! - I can give advice or sympathize with them with a clear heart and mind.  If Steven mentions the same situation, well then I wonder a bit more deeply, I tend to go around in my mind wondering if its something tied to cml and not just the normal run of the mill toothache or whatever and then yes, I am a bit more gentle, more concerned, more wrapped up in whatever is going on with him, and I check back with him more often than I would with the girls.  It makes me a little more nuts.  And so at times this is construed as Steven being my 'favored child'.  Is this what it means?   I don't want a favorite child - I already have three!

When the kids were small my favorite kid would be the one that was not creating havoc at that very moment, and for a good many years, that changed by the minute....  This is something else entirely I think.  This 'favoritism' is in a sphere all of its own and I think its unfair to be critical of a mom who feels this way.  I often think of the mom's who have lost children and how many people then advise them about how much the other children need them.... As if that mom would not know, as if she was not doing her best......  Sometimes being tied tighter to one child than the other brings a whole new dimension to unwanted one, especially in really tough times.

To end this on a more gentle note, some beauty and a good sign - I have my camera going again :)
love, light and laughter.