Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Lovely little box.....

So today it happened again - it has not happened in a long time and it probably has more to do with my state of mind than with the status of disease in Steven.

His PCR kit arrived, all ready for the next test.  I opened it and put in in the refrigerator to cool, as directed and then just as I was closing the door, it really struck me.....

There, amongst normal things of life - water, yogurt, chocolates, etc - there was this Biohazard container!

It really made me stop, made me think and for just a minute my insides turned to jelly all over again and my heartbeat picked up and I felt just a tad weepy.  This is the new normal, this is what even I as mom has got used to.  This happens as regularly as clockwork and with as about as little fanfare as the regular tick tocking of the clock.

But today it grabbed and shook me - just  little.  My son gets Biohazard containers to fill?  Sheesh.

And then what hit me even harder was the wonder.  The wonder of just how fortunate we all are.  That this, this little biohazard box, the waiting of hopefully yet another good test result after over 6 years of beautiful numbers...... this is "all" we need to deal with.


I think so often of those dealing with horrendous side effects, those whose families are torn apart by the loss of those that don't have the fortune of getting these little biohazard boxes or the tests any more...... I think of those dealing with this horrible disease returning time after time, ripping away any chance of real peace of mind even in the good days.

And I sang.  I literally sang the rest of the day away.  And from now on I will welcome this little box each time it sits in that refrigerator, reminding me how incredibly fortunate we are to have Steven doing so well,  how incredible fortunate we are that my son, a brother, husband, nephew and grandson, still can have this test done, how incredibly lucky I am to have an amazing young man doing so wonderfully on all fronts in his managing of this cancer.

I love you, little box :)

Love, light and song.....