Treasuring moments

There are so many things swirling around in my mind lately - things that I have wanted to write about, but somehow they have not gelled enough to get here - so far... here are some.

Firstly, I heard some really, really beyond-sad news this week. Adrian, who had both aml and cml and writes his blog http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk/ is in full relapse after his bone marrow transplant and will not recover. I am totally stunned and very, very sad about this. Please go and read his blog, send him your thoughts, think of his family too. His mom has become a really dear friend and the thought of what she is going through, reduces me to tears.

And now I am going to push this too..... when you read Adrians blog, you will see his determination to get more people to join the marrow registry, to show them how easy and painless it is. He is in the UK. If you are too, please pass the word around as far and wide as you can. If you are in US - do the same. No matter where you are, please make sure that you get as many people to sign up to their marrow registry as possible. Adrians blog has videos on it that show the process - its not difficult, not dramatic and you can choose how to donate. Be an Angel, be a hero - a true one! How else can I ask? How else can I beg?

Adrian's donor did a beautiful thing.... his transplant gave Adrian many more months, gave us time to learn from this young man, to laugh with him and now to cry with them all , it gave his family and friends time with him, precious time and so much more. And then there is Lea, http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/leamorrison, who also had a transplant and is doing very well. She has also been a light in so many lives and I know for sure that without having the opportunity of following both of these people and getting to know both Lea and Kay, my life would have definately been much poorer and emptier. There are thousands that have had transplants, which means that there are thousands of true life hero's - the donor's and recipients........

But there are more donors needed. Many more. Please, please think of anyone you know, yourself included if you can, and encourage them. Show them Adrians videos of the process and hopefully the registry will grow. Here is the link to the USA site with all the information you need to know about: http://marrow.org/. The UK links and the videos are on Adrian's blog and I am not going to put them in here because I want you to go and read about this incredible young man and see his strength and I want you to help him with his dream of swelling the donor registry!

So many of my experiences has stopped being only that - they have become food for thought - as with my photographs. An empty beach is not really just an empty beach anymore.... sometimes when I look at those photos it talks of the times we have to walk alone in life, especially when there are not even any footprints along the way. Other times it talks of the times we want and even need to be alone....of times when we have to be alone .. of times when we are meant to just enjoy nature without any interruptions. We walked that beach, laying the first footprints of the day and probably, in places, the first footprints for a good long time. It was wonder full - yes, two words. Wonder filled.

The peace while walking along this long beautiful beach - Outer Banks of North Carolina - was lovely. I love it when my mind shrugs off the worries and the niggles of everyday life and digs deep into the things that really count. That never really happens for me in places where you can hear traffic, tv, radios or other people.... The beaches or the mountains are the places that help me find what's inside of me, and grounds me and helps me deal with what is now normal in my life and what is truely wonderful in my life.

What is normal now? Normal is that stream of worry, that faded shadow that will always hang around us now, it's the absolute knowledge that cancer is firmly in our lives and will always be. Even if the cure for cml is found and Steven is free of it, I know that the people I have met along this road will always be with me and so very treasured. Normal is learning to hold the hand of someone hurting while waiting for a result, someone newly diagnosed, someone just hearing the worst. Normal is learning to reach out for the hand of someone who totally understand when I need it. Normal is dealing with things that I never thought about, let alone thought I could handle. Normal is not only dealing with it, but not taking it on on a "cellular level". That sounds weird and strange, and although I care incredibly deeply for everyone I know now, I cannot let it bring me down or else I would be of no value - to myself, to Steven or to those whose hands I am fortunate to be able to hold through whatever we are all going through. Normal is reading daily about strong incredible people, people fighting some or other form of cancer, dealing with it the best way they can. Normal is being able to talk about cancer and death and loss without running away.

I don't know what to wish for - that the 'old normal' were still here or to keep this new incredible normal that is so filled with totally amazing people and strength from everywhere?

Mothers day swished around recently and it was truely the best Mothers Day I have known. I thought about the years with my three amazing sprogs, and looked at who they are and where they are today...... All three are happy and living their lives in really wonderful ways. None of them are professors, rich or even college grads, but they are all incredible success stories in my eyes - beautiful people. I realise just how much I took all those early, un-scared years for granted - it's so easy to do that when things are going right. Now I know just how much can go wrong - not just know, but I *know!* And this makes me treasure these people, my children, in my life much more than I ever did before.

To end this very long ramble ....... please go and visit with Adrian baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk and help him in his push for the marrow registry. It really is very critical to so many of us and it might just help somone else's son or daughter, mother or father etc, have a chance at life or at the very least, some extra time with those that love them.


To Adrian, Kay and all your family and friends........... an extra dose of love and light


Annie