Easy, by comparison.....

The wait has not been bad so far this time at all. It may be because we were still travelling for the first week of the three week wait as well as settling back in at home, doing some pre winter renovations - new windows. Also, there has been some absolutely wonderful news regarding two people going through transplant, another about to head that way, as well as some really, really sad news.......

Two guys, one here in the USA, Shane, and the other in UK, Adrian, have been through their transplants and both are doing feally well right now. Keeping in contact with their mom's (or mum, in the UK :-)) has helped me so much keep things in this neck of the woods in its correct perspective. It's very difficult to worry too much when firstly, Steven looks great, and then you hear of infected PICC lines, injections into stomaches, gvh disease attacking the skin and extra treatments after going through a transplant and so much more. I feel so very blessed on a daily basis when keeping these people in my heart and mind. And Lea, heading towards a transplant and keeping herself so positive and full of fun....... wow. All this is so incredibly helpful. And then, when I look past all this and bang a really "I am sorry for myself" email to Debs, she is amazing enough to be honest with me, kick my butt as asked and send a hug, all in the same email. Again, I am so very fortunate.

And then the devastating news about Penny's mom. Last week, at the anniversary of Penny's passing, her mom was also diagnosed with lung cancer. If you pray, pray for her and her family, if you send positive vibes, send tons to them. Either way - keep them in your thoughts. Please.

It's been almost two weeks since the pcr blood was drawn for the test and with all this happening, I have barely even thought about it. I did find that when we got back home and I again had good internet access, and set about catching up on the support boards, I found that I felt sad, worried and down. So I simply gave it a break for a few days and now only allow myself a little reading every day - kinda building up again.

Basically, Steven is doing great, I am doing great, the vacation was wonderful and I have 6500 photos to sort through. I refuse, REFUSE to worry this time, too much anyway. Many times I find that this worry is a choice. It is definately a distant rumble of thunder in the background of my life always - but at times it is a choice as to how much quality time I give it....... and its scary how much time I do give it!

Thats not to say that I am not going to worry, freak or become 'frilly' again - maybe even soon, its just that I realise that I can control it to a certain extent. What is really, really strange is that at times I don't want to keep it out, sometimes I don't want the worry to go. Sometimes its a way of dealing with stuff. Hopefully that will pass sometime in the not too distant future, but for now I do think its a part of the process of dealing with this all.

So Shane - keep doing so wonderfully well; Adrian, you too and keep up that awesome blog (http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk/); Lea - you go girl - you give me untold strength and hope and Pat - sending hugs and love and wishes.........

Love and light
Annie