Monday, July 27, 2009

waiting thoughts and plans......

So PCR blood has been drawn for this test, it's been sent off and ...........well..... I am not 'freaky' at all. Yet. :) Steven's cbc came back as close to perfect as one can get and for some reason this PCR blood sample has traveled across country this time with hardly a thought from me. It's soooooooooooo good!
Steven looks great and his sense of humor is firmly in place and I realize just how much of a help this is to me - to see how good he is all round. It's like this picture, which is of the tip of a leaf of an insect eating plant.......... see how most of those little sticky bubbles stand by themselves? And then on the right, there are two sharing the load..... I see this so often in the close up photos I take. It's nature to give a helping hand and sometimes we need it when everything around us seems so right, so normal and there is no trauma around, sometimes it's right then that someone needs that sharing of the load..... Anyway - that was my thought as I found these sticky globs in my camera lens.
My one son in law is headed to Afghanistan in October, and the other son in law is heading off to boot camp mid September.... Oh boy, it's times like this that I am glad that Steven won't be joining the armed forces! Yes, that sounds selfish but he is already fighting a huge battle of his own - he deals with it every day and ........ well, I am glad he is not also in this branch of the armed forces! Hats off and great respect and love to both my sons headed that way. Be safe, guys! Stay strong, my girls - they will be back. Everyone has things and battles to overcome and each is no less important than the other....I notice this more and more in everyday life.
I think that planning a trip is about the best way for me to be able to push those pcr results, and other life issues, aside - for a while, at least....... and this time is no different. Maybe we should just plan a trip away for every pcr test done?! Well, this one is a major one and I am so excited that I can hardly sleep! We are off to the Galapagos Islands, the Amazon Jungle and Machu Picchu........... and we leave in the last week of September - a mere 6 weeks away.
At first I wanted to wait till Steven's results were in, but that would be letting cml rule my life in a way that I don't like. So, with a niggle that still won't go away, but a determination to live every moment of my life and not give this leukemia in my son more power over my life than it already has, we decided to go ahead and the final plans will be put into place and the booking done this week. Before those pcr results are in.
It can only be one of two things........ the pcr will come back higher or lower..... ok, ok - or the same, three options. Option number one = lower, and then my heart will be extra light again; option number two = same as last time, which is also great! and the last would be a jump in which case another pcr test will be drawn in a month's time and then a months waiting will put us right at the time we will be heading back home or already here. See? Calculations all done and neatly sorted.... now just to get my heart to listen!
No, I am sure it will come back just fine again this time....I never realize how much hope and energy goes into this belief, until those results hit my brain. The relief is always almost surprising, tremendously wonderful and very welcome. And I am going to believe that it's going to be this way again - no reason to think otherwise.
On a more serious note....... leukemia claimed yet another wonderful person, Michelle, this past week. She was only 27 years old and made such a huge difference in so many lives.... if you know someone who is not on the marrow registry, talk to them, tell them how important it is and send them to Michelle's blog - one of us really can save someone's life. Here is another young person, who even though critically ill, put herself out there to help others to live - and she succeeded too! Michelle, the world is definitely poorer without you here with us. Go well.
Love, light and hope

1 comment:

hockeychic said...

I was so sad to read about Michelle yesterday. I found her blog thanks to your pointer.

I am so excited to hear about your trip. What a dream!! I am hoping/planning my own trip for next year to New Zealand and it does help push other things to the side. I'm glad you are planning and not letting CML run your life. You are an inspiration.