Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Elephant......

Earlier this week The Kit arrived. This is the box that OHSU ships out to us so that Steve can have his blood drawn and sent back here for testing. The Kit sits like an elephant in the refridgerator until Test Day. Test Day was Monday.

Having blood drawn is simply having blood drawn, right? Yup, a few years ago it was. Now its something more. Now its that reminder, it makes me robo-scan my kid more closely. This Monday Steven looked a tad pale and tired and he had not had a cbc for over a month, and............ well, and.

So off we tootled to the new doctors office to have the labs done. I had the kit on the front seat of my car - and had to giggle - I had this clear picture of an elephant in my front seat, a pink one. Ok - so the stress was getting to me, but at least it got me smiling :) When Steven was called in I went along to make sure that the blood was mixed properly as I knew that this lab was probably also not familiar with packaging the blood like this. The poor girl was so nervous of doing it all wrong..... it did not matter, if it was wrong, we would simply do it again, no big deal. Then Steven sat down in the chair and started pulling up his sleeves in readyness for the 6 vials of blood that young girl was going to draw. I looked at this young man who was dealing with this all. I took in his pale and tired look and pleaded 'blood-aversion' and left. Chicken. Yup. Steven also said that he does not look when they do it and he managed a bigger smile than I did.

I waited outside in the waiting room for him trying not to be aware of the people there looking at me with 'that look' in their eyes and then I watched how they looked at Steven when he came back out.

His cbc came back as close to perfect as one could dream for and the wait for the PCR has started. We have not met the new doctor yet - that will happen mid February.

Sometimes I dont know if I just want to be worried or if its just the way it is... I try so hard not to get frilly, I know that there is so much good going on around this leukemia, I know that Steven is doing well and even that he is entitled to be tired and pale at times. I know this and yet the worry won't quit at times. It's not the nailbiting, sleepless nights type of worry anymore, its just a low key humming.

But its a good day today! The cbc is great and .......I will not worry too much about that blasted pcr result! I will not worry too much about that blasted pcr result! I will not worry too much about that blasted pcr result! Have I already said that? LOL

love and light

1 comment:

Rhonda Radliff said...

Hey Annie,
Be bold, be strong, the Lord your God is with you.

That's a favorite quote from a spiritual that is short and sweet. I can remember it and hear the song in my head when I start the worry spiral.

Hummmmmming is good. Just change the prayers from 'worry ones' to bold ones. The crazy sexy cancer chick says that worry is just a prayer for something you DON'T want! I had to laugh. Sing the 'bold song' and hum to a new tune. I can't promise you days without fear, or days without concern. I can remind you that you are not alone.

Peace and laughter,