Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Rocks and jello......

I check the calendar almost daily - how many weeks has it been since Steven's blood was drawn for this PCR?
25 weeks??
Feels like it.
Its only been 2 weeks.

One side of my brain says its simply got to be ok, the reading is going to be lower, the results will be in the right direction. It will. The other side says.............. nope - I am not even going to verbalize it. Those words and feelings bounce around my head and they can stay there. For now. I find it quite amazing just how much my thoughts and emotions bounce around during this wait - almost extreme to extreme. It really messes with my peace of mind and general ability to get through the days. Everything is smooth on the surface but not quite like that underneath - kinda like rocks and jello.

I know that whatever happens we will all have to deal with it - it going to be ok in the long run, but I SO don't want things to change for Steven! And selfishly, so selfishly, I don't want the worry, I don't want the changes for all of us. How selfish is that?? .......aaaaaaah. What will be will be.

So I finished Harry Potter and could NOT believe that "he who cannot be named" actually ..............nope - not going to write that either. It was good - go read it :-)

This PCR is kinda important and the wait this time is terribly long. Terribly long. My cell phone is glued to my side for when Dr J is going to call me. Occasionally I check that its still working. It is.

One day closer
love and light

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Annie My minds gone blank! Not for the first time - usually goe on for 45 mins.This is just to encourage you to keep a positive attitude but on the other hand,it is quite normal to feel helpless at times - all positive thoughts and prayers will be for and on Steven and your family. We love you