Monday, August 27, 2007

Our Momly Job.......

I spent a few days feeling bruised from the wait, but now the days definately feel and look lighter and brighter - despite this awful heat we have going on around here. It seems to be never-ending - and I do know that it wont be long before I am moaning and groaning about the cold winter we are no doubt headed into...... :-) Such is life and may the heat and cold be our main worry!

As a child I had a little light weight wooden bat that was attached to a little ball by a thin elastic band and I would 'play tennis' with this, sometimes hitting the ball but many times missing it, causing that ball to fly way beyond the hitting (normal) point of return over my shoulder somewhere. Sometimes life feels like being this little ball - totally at the mercy of something bigger holding that bat, and at times totally out of control, like an insane little bouncing ball.

But for now I am just so enjoying the peace. Since I read Davo's poem about seeing the person first and only later the disease, I get great pleasure in realising, after a visit from Steven, that cml did not make an appearance in the front part of my brain at all! Twice in this past week, he has popped in for just a minute and only after he left did I think that - geez, he looked so good! and how wonderful it is to see my son for the person he is and not the disease he has. I know that I will probably not be able to maintain this always and that right now is 'the honeymoon' period again - right after a good pcr result. But boy, am I enjoying it! I know Frank is too - having a much more relaxed Annie around the house for a change.

As another cml-er mom said to me - "to worry is our momly job" - and yup - we do it well! :-) But for now that worry has receded to the rear part of my brain, giving us all time to build our strength for the next waiting time.

I wanted to say how much the comments on and re this blog mean to me. I have 'met' a good few mothers, cml-ers and others through this blog, who help me through the maze of feelings and emotions and life with cml in it, by either sharing their stories, holding my hand, encouraging me and/or simply letting me know that I am not alone. I would not be where I am on my 'peace scale' without all of you........... so a really big Thank You!

Love and Light

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