Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Wibbly Wobblies of Waiting........

Ok - so I wobble slightly while waiting........... but I am still not quite wanting to admit it. When the time gets closer to the results for the PCR tests, I tend to read the boards more closely, tend to be more in touch with cml and then the idea of my kid having cancer tends to hit home again. Nothing like in the beginning, but still on the level of "Sh*t! I dont want this for him!" I get scared at times when I read articles that say that everyone with cml gets to a point where gleevec does not work for them any more - but then I read the boards again and I know that there are very many who are doing just great. There are always the difficult stories to read but fortunately with cml, they are so well balanced with the good stories

So its this enormous ping-pong match in my head, weaving through the thoughts and doings of the days and nights - even into the dreams at times.... Remember holding a daisy and pulling off the petals - he loves me, he loves me not. These days, but only on the worst ones, it goes PCRU, not PCRU, PCRU, not PCRU.......... PCRU PCRU PCRU!!!! I insist :-)

Today on one of the support boards, one member was apologising for "making a fuss" about her situation, which was and is normal in the first year especially. She felt that many others had much more to worry about than she does as her results are in the "really good and ok" range. To me there was no need to apologise at all, and it really made me feel 'normal' to read of her wobbles - she is almost on par with where Steven is as far as response to Gleevec goes.... It was good to see that others wobble over the tests results, wanting more, having to accept what it is. She helped me feel normal - thanks Jan!

And the days are creeping by until we get those results - wonder where my nails are going? LOL - I wonder how many years it will take before I take this in my stride?

I know I could and would not be anywhere near a smile if it were not for the people that are right alongside with me in this. Family, friends, unmet and met friends........... all are the building blocks to being able to keep my sense of humor going. And especially seeing how Steven is, emotionally and with the cml. I really am one very fortunate lady.

love and light

Hugs and thanks to Lisa B in California!

No comments: