Friday, January 07, 2011

A very sad start to the new year.......

Tyler passed away yesterday, the 6th January, 2011

This was not supposed to happen at all...... he was a handsome 44 years young, still newly married, by all accounts a really wonderful person; his wife Mandy is beautiful, vibrant and walked his walk right there with him.  He was supposed to have a full and good life, he was supposed to beat this leukemia.  He was supposed to live, dammit!

I have never met Tyler or Mandy but have followed their story since they first started their blog and because Tyler had the same leukemia as Steven, of course I wanted to find out as much as I could about how he, and also Mandy, dealt with the rocky roads.  Obviously for all the right reasons, I wanted Tyler to beat his cancer, but in addition to that, I wanted his survival to to be a 'win' for us all against cml.  I wanted him to beat it so that I could feel better, be more at ease and add to the hope I have for Steven's long life.  Selfish, yes, but  thats the way it is.

We had just returned back home from vacation when I read the news and it was literally like a kick in my stomach.  I kept going back to their blog to make sure it was true - and that photo of them both, so full of life, love and happiness greeted me every time and made the world a bit brighter, until the words below came into focus.

Tyler obviously touched so many people in his life and was clearly loved by a bunch of people, and he will be tremendously missed.  My heart breaks for all those who knew him and have now lost him.  It just does not seem right at all.

It's at times like this that I get really really angry, sad, scared and angry again all rolled up into one ball.  Obviously I don't feel the grief the same as those that knew and loved him, but his passing definitely has an effect on my life.  It makes it a bit rockier, makes it a bit more precious, makes my life a bit poorer and  at the same time it somehow enriches it.  And right now I feel very selfish in describing how Tyler's dying affects my life in the face of their hurt, but its true.  Even not knowing him at all, he has made an impact on my life and it has been a good impact.

I am deeply sorry that Tyler's life ended so soon and I send my deep and sincere condolences and love to Mandy and all his friends and family.

Tyler..... I hope you have that beautiful smile brightening your face and the twinkle in your eye lighting your way.

With love and deep sadness


Lea White said...

Oh that is absolutely heartbreaking :'-(

Anonymous said...

I have been following Tylers journey and was saddened to learn of his passing. I am 6 moths post -transplant myself for cml and it it is always hard to lose a fellow warrior. I have followed your blog and son's journey as well. You have been an encouragement to me at many times.


CML Wife said...

Annie -

Thank you much for taking the time to write this post. I hardly know what to say other than "thank you" for always sending love and light our way. Tyler WAS amazing and I am sorry that you didn't get to meet him in person.

We'll stay in touch and keep seeing you on your own blog!


hockeychic said...

Just heartbroken. I have never met them either but found their blog through yours and I am just so sad. I really wanted him to beat it and for Mandy and Tyler to have decades together. I too, send my deep condolences and love to Mandy and their families.

bigD said...

Hugs Annie. There are no words to express the pain I am feeling for the loss of another warrior in this battle against CML. I so badly wanted Tyler to make it. It is just not fair.