Thursday, December 16, 2010

Thoughts and thanks....

As we head out on our first cruise.. so many thoughts fly through my head.  Many of them literally fly through and are gone, or just dont come back when I want to write them down.... but here is one that has really got me thinking.  The lady who wrote this latest blog, Amy, is mom to a wonderful boy Ryan who is no longer with them and she shares her feelings and thoughts.  When you read this latest post of hers, go down to about halfway - well, read it all.  But the part where she describes how she, and we all are,  literally a heartbeat away from the other side is just beautiful.  It puts a different perspective on a good many things for me, makes me think and wonder and brings peace too.  Amy has a really lovely way of writing that makes one wonder how come you did not think that way yourself, she can take you from tears to understanding in just a paragraph...

Another thought........  Someone said something just the other day that got me thinking about how fortunate I am to have so many wonderful people in my life these days.  Being mom to Steven, who is doing well and slaving hard in the shop while we are away, is pretty much like sitting on the sidelines, but getting the best of it all.  So many people have come into my life since Steven's diagnosis, all of them enriching it in more way than I could have imagined.  I have cried many times over the death of someone who tried hard to keep living, cried at the changes that those losses bring and grown with each and every step along the way.

My life is rich and full because of my friends, "my People" who enable me to be all I can be, who allow me into their lives, their worries, fears and tears, laughter and joys.

 It sits on me heavily when somone I had been talking to or who's blog I had been following, dies.  It really scares me but at the same time it helps me see the beauty in almost everything in life.  It makes me appreciate and treasure everything so much more.  I have become much more patient, much more understanding along this road ...... and I like it.

I am sure that I will still say the wrong thing at times to someone, offer the wrong advice, ask a question that is out of place or something, but this is so much better, this being able to at least talk to people going through these tough times, than being the way I was.  I was scared to say anything - had no idea what was right or wrong to say or do.  Now I know that sometimes a hug says it all.... sometimes even a stupid question or comment (sometimes!) is better than changing the subject away from their loss or ignoring it.

I can hear myself rambling on now, and I am becoming less clear by the minute about what I want to say...... so here it is in a nutshell...........  To everyone who reads this blog, who emails me, who has welcomed me into their lives through some or other battle with illness..... THANK YOU!  I treasure each and every one of you more than you know.... from those who were there right after diagnosis, on the boards and holding my hand for me, to those who share their wonderful happenings these days with almost no hint of cml.... thank you, you have done so much for me - even though I am "on the sidelines"..

Here's wishing each one of you the smell of a rose, the joy of a belly laugh, the feel of a full tummy and the ability to reach out and hug someone..... and may the new year bring you all a huge dollop of love, laughter and peace.

love and light

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