Saturday, December 06, 2008

Time goes by..

So many times I have fretted and literally wrung my hands, wondering why people who are doing well with cml don't write about it!  Tell others the good news that life goes on, that things do fit well into that 'new normal' and put my mind at rest......  Well, now I see why.  When things go well, life once again morphs into.......well, life.  

I asked Steven just the other day how he is doing on the cml front and he says that he is just fine - no side effects, no cramping, no pains, no - nothing - just life as he wants to live it!  How amazing is that?  So, when he is doing so well, what do I have to say?  I really have no news on the cml side of things at all.

It's a really good feeling to feel human again, to be able to breathe easier, not to have the level of worry of before.  Reading so many other blogs has given me the knowledge that no matter what comes our way- we will deal with it, one way or another.  It's interesting how easily I cry at the troubled times of some of those people I am following...  Sadly, Erica passed away on December 4th after battling with leukemia.  Dawn is having a really rough time of it lately too and Tyler is not yet quite off the bumpy road either.  I hate this disease!  I hate it.....

Being in the 'cml community' makes me so incredibly grateful for the life we have, the opportunities, the goals we can set and the dreams we can still dream.  In many ways it makes me excited about life - its given me a deeper way of looking at life with a lot more appreciation of the little things too.

Being is such a good place right now, I find that my 'creative' side is wanting to come out and play again.  It's been like this for a while now, but lately I have this need to do something fun, nice, exciting.  I have my camera within reach at any given time and have even ordered that awesome new 21 megapixel Canon!  Ooooh - this is really exciting!  It will still be about 4 weeks before it arrives, but I am looking forward to its arrival in the same sort of way I looked forward to the birth of my kids :)  Maybe I will even start selling some of my photos.... :)

I described it to someone this way - its like being a flower, all curled up for a good long while, then carefully letting one petal out to taste the sun - it reports back good stuff, then the next goes out and so this....

I know that all this good stuff can change in one simple blood test, but I cannot look at life like that anymore.  I cannot sit and wait for the bad stuff - it might never come and what a shame all that wasted time would be!  Besides, I have a good feeling that Steven would just hate for me to do that - I know he likes seeing me upbeat and excited about life - I am sure it assures him on a deep level that all is well with him too :)

I hope that my re-excitement about life shows someone else that life really does get better, that it can even out and be better than the old normal - well, in my circumstances, it did, and not a day goes by that I am not deeply grateful - for everything.

Here is another photo - this one is the nose of one of our doglets - and when I look at it it makes me think that I am sniffing the wind, and good things are out there......  I wish this for everyone.

love and light


Mike said...

Hey Annie,
Please get out there and tell YOUR story with pictures. I've worked in visual arts from photography, filmmaking, and video and can tell you're so talented and have such a great eye. Not many people can make ice crystals and spider webs interesting! In a World full of ugly disease and suffering you remind me it's also a World full of beauty. I stole one of your images from lens2life (nov.8) of the yellow/red leaves to use as my computer desktop background. I thought it was a great seasonal background. To not get out there and satisfy your passion is a victory for leukemia and a loss for all of us. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

Annie - Steven's mom said...

Hi Mike
Thanks. And what a compliment - someone stole a photo of mine! Big smile. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thinking of you guys so often
love and light

Anonymous said...

That's the problem when things go well, our blog entries become boring I guess, not much to write about - but oh how we love boring. :-).

I'm so pleased things are going well with you guys. I love the photos by the way and you should continue writing in your blog with beautiful photos sharing little words of wisdom to brighten our days.

Lea White