Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Sort of waiting....
I am not sure if we have an answer or not.....
On Tuesday morning I again called the Onc's office to see if they could pull his chart and get me the numbers.. After talking to yet another 3 ladies, I was once again told that they would call me back. Again. So I waited some more. I know this is a small office that I was talking to, I also know they are busy - but geez!
And when they called, her answer to my question was: "it's the same as last time".
Me: Ok - so what are the numbers? You know........ the 0.something-or-other numbers.....
Her: There are no numbers - the doctor just wrote that they are the same as last time.
Me: Well, (through very tightly clenched teeth) what does the report SAY?
and so she started reading and I am not sure that my words are correct, but it went something like this..... " the housekeeping gene shows signs of (I think she said) degeneration and therefore no reading could be taken - but it's assumed that it's the same as the last pcr test".
Is it the 1st of April?? I sat there for a few seconds, calculated the days till Steven's next appointment and the importance of getting any frillier - and let it go. I thanked the lady on the phone and hung up. It's quite amazing how sweet one can sound when talking through gritted teeth and hanging from the ceiling by one's fingernails, but it's not her fault - she had no idea even what she was reading.
Steven called soon after and said that his appointment was on this Thursday, I had thought it was next Thursday, so it does not make sense to worry about it any more. This time.
So maybe, maybe tomorrow we will have some answers. It sounds to me as if another pcr will be taken rather sooner than later and we will see what that one says. Maybe. But lets see. And maybe next time I will not call for those results early. Maybe.
The funny thing about worry is that it really makes no difference to the outcome at all, but I have not yet found anyone that can honestly say they don't worry at all - not even a teeny tiny bit. Lottie said that worry is like a rocking chair - you go backwards and forwards and backwards and forwards, but nowhere else. This is so true.
I really don't spend the time between pcr's worrying - its just the last day or three when the results are due. That's when it hits and the nailbiting starts - the rest of the months pretty much are back to .......well life as it is. And it's good. It really, really is. I know just how fortunate we are that Steven is doing so incredibly well...and I am tremendously grateful.
love and light and a hug to Kay