One little ant........

And so the waiting has started again, but this time its totally...........well - I have honestly not even thought about it apart from every now and again feeling mildely surprised that I have not thought about it. Interesting, and I am sure it will change sometime - but while this peaceful state lasts, I am just going to enjoy it.

The other day I was going through some old photos and looking back over the years pre cml. I can only be incredibly thankful that none of us knew this was coming down the pike - all those years of smiles, casual living and belief that we were all in control of our future.

I have many feelings when looking through those photos. I tried that just over a year ago, and could not look at photos of Steven of years past without tearing up and actually hurting inside. Now I find that just have this deep, base feeling of 'I cannot lose this child', but that I can look at them all and smile again.

I never thought that I would be affected by looking at photos like this, especially as all is going well, and was even a year ago. Just last week, before I looked through the photographs, a lady came into the store and was telling me that she had lost her mom a little over a year ago and it was only now that she could look at her photos again..... now I understand. Funny how much we dont understand until it directly affect us personally. Like saying that 'when I have kids, they will never ever walk around with unbrushed hair!" Ha! I really appreciate those times when I find new understanding - each one is a lovely moment and a deep knowledge that I am truely growing inside.

Isn't it strange how when we look at a picture of someone from long ago and we miss them - we reach out and touch the photograph, stroking it and not wanting to break that contact. Makes taking those photos even more important in the good times.

The the next two months are going to be busy months..... its my mom's 80th birthday on the same day that my daughter and her husband arrive from California for a 10 day stay. During this time I am going to be very busy orgainizing a blood and marrow donor drive to be held in mid October as well as still working in the shop and getting in as much time with my youngest as possible.

When Joleen leaves to go home, we leave for another road trip. I have this big urge to see the northern lights, Aurora Boreallis, again. So we are headed up to the Icefield Parkway, Canadian Rockies area to see what we can see. We should only be gone around 3 - 4 weeks this time as there will no doubt still be much to plan for the donor drive.

Ok - more about the donor drive. I have wanted to make a real difference and I think that Adrian has done a totally incredible job of hightening awareness and changing things that will save many, many lives, beyond even his expectations. His actions might even save Steven's life one day if he ever needs a marrow transplant one day.

So - what to do? Pay Forward in the best way I know how!

We already have the place to do this - the ice cream shop, Kays Kastles, right next door to us has agreed to let us use their parking place for the blood bus and a few tables inside for the marrow donors. This is a big step out of the way and now we just need to tie down a definate date and get the ball rolling. I am hoping to get the radio and tv stations heavily involved too both before and during the day and already have the local newspaper lined up to do an educational article and then hopefully another one the week before the drive.

If I think of what kind of impact I would like to make with this, obviously I want the biggest and the best response possible, but I have to look at it in a way that even if only one person gets added to the marrow registry - it might just be that one that will save a life and all those around that person.

The cost of getting on the marrow registry is $52. BUT - if we hold a combination blood and marrow drive, the registry fee is waived! So I really hope to use this opportunity to get as many people on there as possible who would otherwise not have done it because of the fee.

So - as we all know, one little ant cannot do much on their own, but when we belong to an army, anything is possible.........and I now consider myself one of "Adrian's Army" and know that as long as we try, we will make a difference in some way.

Thanks Adrian, through your actions, especially in the face of your situation, you have kicked my butt into action.... I will forever be grateful :)

If any one has any ideas, advice or is close enough and wants to help and be a part of this - please contact me, leave me a message, note or rattle my cage in any way you know how.

love and light
Annie