Sunday, April 15, 2007

How we fight.........

I think that the worst thing with this disease, is that there is nothing to do! Now that the diagnosis is over, the game plan in place, its all just waiting. Endless waiting. Its not like other cancers that can be treated and then 'cured', a 5 year "if nothing happens then you are ok", time period. With this one there is nothing to do. Thankfully it seems so easy, simple and fortunate. And I hope it is. I really hope it always is. Not only for Steven, but for all those that I follow on their blogs and on the support boards. Its difficult to read about the 'bad things' that can go wrong, hard to read about those that develop the complications, mutations and horrible side effects. These just reminds me that there could be bad days ahead when I will be wishing for nothing but this nothing-to-do-but-wait time..

I wonder if I think about this more than Steven does? I mean, do I worry more because I do the reading, researching and hearing what can go wrong? If it is this way, then I am glad its this way because it will give him a few more years to concentrate on the other stuff in life.

Yesterday it felt like ages and ages that he had last had a blood test done - its only been 5 weeks! When it feels like this, then I want to see another cbc in front of me. I want confirmation that everything is ok. But his next appointment is only in 2 weeks time and I will wait, and try to put this at the back of my mind as much as possible.

I am not down or worried or anything at all at this stage - just writing my thoughts. The other day I read something about cml moving very fast to aml in some instances. My heart dropped and I stopped reading the board for a few days until I could put it all in perspective again. I think thats what I am learning to do more than anything.... put things in perspective. Steven is doing great and I don't have a reason to worry at this stage - well, not to spend too much time worrying unnecessarily, although that's so much easier to say than to put into practise much of the time.

I do find that the days go by and my mind touches on cml at odd times, but more often now I think about the positive side of things. I love how Steven has grown, I love the changes all this has made in my life, I love the smile I see in the mirror again, I love the people I have met and are still meeting, in this short year and I simply love the good warm feeling I get when I find a penny! So much positive has come out of one short year with cancer.

In writing this I have discovered exactly how we must fight this cml battle - we fight it with positive thoughts, positive smiles, positive people! We fight it with love and understanding, with caring and listening. We fight it with courage and all the time we are allowed here on earth.

And we fight it together with all the others out there that are fighting the same and other battles. We will win. I insist. We will win.

Love and Light

No comments: