Sunday, January 07, 2007

Time goes by......

This photograph I took reminds me just how delicate, precious and beautiful life is.......
The time is flying by and I find myself saying that 'tonight I will update the blog' and then tonight goes by again and again and again. But its going past gently and smoothly with a really good feeling in the air.

Steven had his PCR test done again this past Friday, and now the long wait begins. I saw the results on paper that said that his last PCR in October, done qualitatively, came back normal/negative. I saw it, but still have not managed to get a copy out of them! But. That was really good to see that - so now we hope that this next one, which is being done quantitatively, will also come back with a bunch of zero's and then we will see the trend in his tests....... It all looks good though. Really good. The CBC, complete blood count, that Steven has done every month is coming back great too - all the bloods either perfectly lined up or pretty darn close. Now he can push those tests a bit further apart - once every 2 months and a PCR every 3 months. Hopefully another bone marrow biopsy is not on the horizon for a goodly long time - when that happens again either he will be sedated, or I will! Definately. :-)

I worried for a good few weeks before this past appointment that, although both Steven and I like this oncologist, I would have to 'fight with him' to get the PCR done the way we wanted it, fight about whether the last PCR was actually done or not, and ..... something else that I just dont remember right now :-). Well, no fight at all and I realised, yet again, that MY attitude is what counted for so much when asking for something.. Steven is still leaving all the details to me and the doc, just going to the appointments and reporting no side effects and no negatives... He seems comfortable with the doctor and I left the room early, leaving them alone - Mama's got to butt out at some time. All the way to the appointment and back again, all he could chat about was the new car is he in the process of buying - a 2003, 350Z. I have to admit it looks good!

What was really good was to see that Steven is showing interest in, and understanding his results, definately listening to, and taking an active part in his treatment, but a much bigger part of his life - is his life! His cars, his job, Laura, his friends and everything else appears to be of higher importance than this darn cml. It's good. And yes, we are so tremendously fortunate that everything is going so well - I know that everything can change in such a short space of time and I think he is trying to fill up on life and firmly believe that its just going to get better and better.

I have to take the lead from him, and have been able to do that a lot easier in the past few months. Steven looks great and we have a good few people that come into our computer shop to tell us that they are glad he looks so great and to ask about him...... I admire this 'child' so much and it was good to sit behind him in his office the other day and watch him work at high speed with quotes, computer, phone and co-workers...

So life is getting back to 'normal' in many ways. There are definately still the times when my stomach squinches up and my heart rattles but mostly now I can just let it go after acknowledging the feelings.

From the bottom of my heart, the deepest part of my soul and the deepest crevasse of my brain, I hope that Steven is one of those that has a 'smooth ride' with this cancer.

What does one do when you miss someone so much but they are no longer here to talk to? Funny, as I typed that, the answer popped into my brain: "Talk to me, I can hear!" I found a penny in the parking lot today...........

Love and Light and a really big smile



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