Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving thoughts.......

First, I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving. Most of you that read this blog have been in contact with me via email or phone and I thank you all dearly for enriching my life, for making me stronger, for making my life brighter. I would not be who I am now without each one of you, so - thank you!

Each year rolls around and Thanksgiving arrives just as the cold weather makes itself felt..... and then I start thinking about the things I am thankful for and realize that the list is indeed very long. Each time I create this list in my mind, it's people that are at the top. No matter how much all the other stuff makes life easy and fun and nice, without the amazing people in my life - it's all nothing.

And then I think about how far back I need to go..... should I be thankful for those that have hurt me in the past, created temporary havoc or who have nearly made me break? And each year I think I should. I am deeply grateful that they made me stronger and more determined to be better, to do better and to move on. Grateful that I have been able to leave them behind and not waste time on anger and remorse and grateful that through these growth spurts of mine, my kids have all benefitted and grown stronger too.

I looked at my brood today with such great pride and joy. There are three amazing young people and their partners and children all interacting in a lovely easy way, caring and laughing, teasing and watching out for each other.

Once again I realized just how fortunate I am to have my family intact.... so many people I know just don't have this anymore. Yes, those who have died live in our hearts, minds and memories - but even I know that this would simply not be enough for me and that hole in the family would always be felt. There is nothing I can say that can change those feelings, but I know that it makes me treasure what I have even more, and more deeply.

My life has become so much richer over these past three-and-something years since Steven's leukemia diagnosis and much of it is because of the people I have met who are also dealing with cancer in some way or another. But its not all directly because of that.......

Steven's diagnosis shocked me to my core, rocked and nearly capsized my world - but again, it's the really tough times in my life that have made me grow the most - and this time was no exception. I have learned that life really is too short; that those are no longer just wise words in a power point presentation or something. I have learned that even through the tears, there has always been someone or something to be thankful for; that to give is the very best way to drag myself out of a depression and that once I realized that I really had no control, my only 'job' was to live my life so that I could wake up the next day and actually like myself.

I have learned to let go many things, to find joy in small things, to mark each day as an adventure, a challenge and to "just be". Just be everything I can be at that moment. That also means that by sitting on the couch and relaxing is also being 'useful'....... to me!

The lessons I have learned in three short years have, in many ways, set me free. Set me free to be everything I can and want to be. I know this has made me a happier person, more easily approachable and a nicer person too...... and I see that this has had such a positive impact on my three young adults.

Now I hear myself rambling.......... so.... this year I am deeply thankful for Frank and his ever present support of what I need to be totally me, and for us to be a solid us; for my simply amazing children and their wonderful partners and lovely kids. I am thankful for my Mom who is one incredible lady that has taught me so much, who has inspired me and given me strength to deal with the challenges in life. I am thankful for an awesome sister, Kate, who has promised me a "ride on a magic carpet"! and who has been a friend to me through everything. Dankie sis! And then to all my friends, those right here close by and the many that are spread all over the world... I treasure all of you and you have all become a part of the foundation of who I am and helped make me a better person.

And so another Thanksgiving Day has come and gone again .........I wish that we all hold on to these thankful feelings and thoughts and not wait until another year has passed by before telling each other these things.

love and light

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